Coloring with Nelson

At my school, there are many seagulls. When lunch starts, you can see them swooping out of nowhere onto the buildings. This is probably a good time to explain the layout of my school.

I eat lunch in a huge grassy quad. It sort of looks like a golf course. There are many trees, and buildings and classroom surround the quad. The seagulls perch themselves onto the buildings, waiting for their recon commanded to give the word to go.

When I eat my lunch, I can look all around me, and I can see seagulls, looking our way. They completely surround us, and they look quite regal in their stance and pose. At the nod of their commander (about half way through lunch), they swoop down. About 70 seagulls fly above in some strange formation. Then they turn around and split up, diving and then pulling up again. It is quite a fantastic sight.

Seagulls are fine and all, but when they shit, it isn't pleasant. When there are 70 seagulls in the air-GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. My friend got hit yesturday, along with a couple other comrades. For about 10 minutes seagulls swoop down, and then fly up, letting loose their anal muscles and dropping loads of pure into our open eyes.

I usually run and take cover when they strike. I wouldn't want to get hit. When I bring my video camera to school, I'll post a clip of the war.

The scary thing is that the seagulls seem like an actual army. When the seagulls are dive bombing us, I can always see 5-6 seagulls perched on the highest location, and watching. These are the generals, and like all generals, they seem to be fat and well-fed. The seagulls' tactics are very well coordinated. If the US Army took a leaf out of the seagull's book, and used these tactics, I'm sure we would have been out of Iraq months ago.



Song of the Day (STD)- "Love is the Movement," Switchfoot

No time to write a post, but I contributed something to ehow. com. Go to http://wiki.ehow.com/Stay-out-of-Trouble-in-School. Check it out. I wrote it.

The other day, after playing some good old airsoft, me and my friends were chilling in my friend's room. Then Max, one of my kooky friends, goes absolutely nuts, and starts spraying this methane stuff from a can into the air, and into my face. It got into the right side of my eye, and burned some parts of my skin near my eye. It was really cold, and my eye started to burn. I rushed myself to the sink and started to rinse it out. After 30 minutes, I had a slanted, red right eye, and my some weird marks around my right eye. That happened 2 days ago, and I still have this weird mark on my eye (which makes me look like a cat) and it looks really screwy.

Well, it just so happens, that I was about to severely injure Max when we met up at school today, but instead I hear news that his mother (after coming from India), got an 150 beats/minute pulse, and she had to be rushed to the E.R. The scary thing was that Max had to drive her, and he just has a permit, and sucks at driving. It's fortunate that everything came off fine. And so, I didn't kill Max, cause I felt sorry that his mom almost died.

Well, I'm back at school, and I don't like the looks of it. 3 more weeks to go till my winter break. Those 3 weeks will probably take forever.

I recently went to humanforsale.com. No, this is not some sick slaves for sale site, its a site where you can see how much you are worth. I'm worth $2,703,890. I dare anyone to top that. Just send me an email with the stats pasted onto it. Person worth the most will get their biography (written by me) posted onto this blog.

I got a haircut, and I look like a cross between a baboon and a monk. I'm screwed.

School is crazy like usual. We're reading "Julius Caesar" in english class, hands down the most boring class ever. Basically what we do is copy down vocab words, fix a gramatically incorrect sentence, and then read out loud. It's so boring. Half the kids fall asleep, and most just think about the life they could be having outside those belch colored walls.

If there are any bloggers out there, please link my site onto your blog. I'll do the same for you. The thing is, I feel really bad whenever I see that the only blog that's linking this one is my podcast blog.

I also need to make Bloglines top 100.

So link to me.

I went and saw Harry Potter with some friends the other day. What's the big hype? It was well made, but it was way too fast pased. The acting was good on some parts (Moody) but extremely bad for other actors, like Harry Potter. He sucks at acting. Why did he get the part. When his scar starts hurting, he sounds so fake. My cat could do a better impression than that.

Hermione got a lot hotter. Dumbledore got a lot madder. And Cho Chang is pretty ugly. I have no idea why Harry is hitting on her. Ron is completely emo, with his gross long hair.

Basically, its another Harry Potter movie, and its not a big deal. New director, whatever. I'm already over it.

When having chicken, do you usually have the bird's head on the platter also when serving? Do you just stick the whole chicken into an oven and cook it? I was at my friend's great grandmother's 100th year old birthday. The chicken came out of the oven, and I thought it smelled great. Then I glanced at it, and I saw that the flipping head was still there. And the feet. THE HEAD. It was absolutely horrid. I used to be a veggitarian, and I almost transfered back to it that night.

The great-grandmother was singing strange Chinese songs. It wasn't really singing, it was more of a muttering chanting. It was really funny, and once my podcast is up again, I'll stick that on.

Sorry that I haven't been posting daily. I've been spending my break usefully.

I was at the golf course yesturday, and I was at the driving range, hitting some balls. This short man, with headphones in his ears was hitting balls with his driver. Whenever the ball did not go the way he wanted it to go, he said, "Come on, dog!" Really loud. He didn't know that half of the driving range was laughing at him cause he had those idiot headphones on, probably listening to some self help program. That sent me into hysterics.

Some names are really scary, ya know? If I hear someone call for "Gumplziskin" I get the hell out of there. Same with "Numai" and "Kitchen Maa." Who names their kid "Kitchen!" What evil parents. This is a real kid that goes to my school.

And Rodney... that's another one. Rodney is sort of unusual. Rodney sounds like some forlorn kid that hides in a fetal position, hides in the corner, and listens to The Lord of the Rings sountracks. Holy shit! That's just like a Rodney at my school. All Rodneys seem to be screwy.

Same with kids named Tucker. And Tootsie. And loser names that start with "T." "Oi, Tucker!" sounds really gay to me. Tucker is food. Tucker is not a name.

And what is up with these Indian (not american indian names, although those names are screwed up too) names that are like 7 syllables!??!? I can't pronounce the damn things. Its like "Hemangini." I was on this site that translated Indian baby names. This one means "girl with golden body." What kind of stupid meaning is that!?!?

"Bhushan" means ornament! That's an actually name! What if the family was celebrating Christmas and they were decorating a tree. When the mom says, "Get Bhushan," does that mean get ornaments or that loser emo kid cutting himself in the corner!??!

I can understand meanings like hunter, or peaceful, but ornament and girl with golden body!?

When choosing a baby's name, don't just randomly point at some random name and take that!?!?! And whatever you, don't name your kid "Ornament."



Song of the Day (STD)- "It's not a Fashion Statement. It's a Fucking Death Wish" - My Chemical Romance

I hate kids that have the stupidest sayings. People that say, "You're gay," or ,"you suck" and think of that as a great insult. These kids are naturally retarted and thickheaded. You can't just say something about someone else's something...that sounded wierd. Nobody has any right to ruin another person's idea or project by saying things that makes it seem stupid or dumb.

This recently happened with my podcast. I know I sound really bad in it. And I know the content sucks. But I tried. And I acknowledge that it sucks. I know I sound stoney in them. That's cause THEY'RE THE FIRST THREE EPISODES! Naturally, the first of anything sucks. And yet some people just say it sucks just for the heck of it. These insecure losers have to say random shit like this to make themselves feel better.

Another thing that bothers me is people who prance around like their the king, when they're a complete loser! The best example I can think of are freshmen. Freshmen have just entered high school and they are all proud for getting to high school. Then they act all cocky and I just have the urge to grab them by the ear, drop kick them and then get a tube of toothpaste and squeeze it into every opening of their body. Ok, maybe not, but it really bugs the hell out of me.

Freshmen suck. There is this one freshman who has the highest pitch voice you would ever hear. It's like a little siren. And the kid looks like he belongs in second grade. His facial structure just looks like that. There are also these freshmen that roll down the little slope in our quad. STOP THAT! Act your age once in a while! They thinks it's cool!

I don't think I did that stupid shit when I was a freshman. Why is it that today's batch have gone wild?

Don't ask me, I'm gonna go get some sleep.

Napolean Dynamite's arch nemesis

What's up ya'll.

I was in my school library, when I see this fat ugly Indian nerd freshmen girl walk in carring to many things. She had on a oversized backpack filled to the brim with books. She was carrying her Latin book. She also carried her jacket. This was all in her left hand. On her right hand she carried a little "suitcase/briefcase" filled with papers and pencils. (The pencils were falling out) She also was carrying a huge binder. (One of the ones you zip up)

Ok first of all, DON'T CARRY YOUR WHOLE LOCKER WITH YOU!! And if you absolutely have to take it, get a fruity rolling backpack, and stuff everything in there! But rolling backpacks suck. And anybody who takes a suitcase to school sucks.

I have seen some crazy stuff at school. I have seen kids with suitcases. These stupid idiotic kids roll and drag suitcases to school. It like the size of a small go-kart! I'm not even kidding. These loser kids roll loser suitcases to school, cramed with what they think are "essentials." They have more pens and pencils in there than Office Depot. They have 20 notebooks, and all their school textbooks. They have stupid clocks and drawing pads, and stock their suitcases with year old halloween candy. I ABSOLUETLY HATE THESE KIDS. And the crazy thing is, the kids think their cool! It is so annoying when a kid prances with their suitcase or rolling backpack.

Whenever I see a rolling backpack, I kick it. Now there is a certain way to kicking rolling backpacks/suitcases. You have to kick the area right above the right wheel. You kick it so that the thing tilts to the left and filps over, hopefully twisting and breaking the wrist of the loser/nerd pulling this monster. The reason I do this is cause they suck and are foolish, but also because they make the most annoying sound. The wheels on this contraption make a GRRRRRRrrrrRRRrrrRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRrrr sound that ruins the ears. There is nothing to do except kick that sucker and stock that noise from ruining your ears.

If you are a parent, don't get your kid a rolling backpack. Your kid will be ridiculed for life.

Now I have to type up a spanish essay. Joy.

Oh and for any bloggers out there, link my site on your blog, and I guess I'll do the same for you. (That way we can try and get on the blog top 100 page!) yeahhhhh.



Song of the Day (STD)- "Dance, Dance"- Fall out Boy

Well its a Tuesday and it is very sunny and great in the world of california, where the weather is nice and warm and the people are gay. I had to go to Kumon, and for you lucky prats who've never heard of it, here's your chance.

Kumon is a "learning" program. Basically you have these retarted packets, and you do them. Every packet consists of about 3-4 sheets stapled together. The problems are on both sides of this packet. There are three types of subjects you can do; English, math, or Japanese. Obviously, Kumon started in Japan.

We are expected to do one packet a day for each subject your taking. I'm taking english and math, so I have to do 2 packets a day.

Most kids get sooo bored doing these dumb packets, that they resort to drawing useless pictures and stupid comics on the packets. The Kumon teachers get mad, and you get in trouble for the drawings. Then you have to do the packet over again.

See the thing is, Kumon makes you dumber instead of "smarter." When you do Kumon packets, you will inevitably get bored. It's a fact. And when you get bored, you will draw pictures. There is no doubt in my brain about that. You will consistantly draw useless pictures, and this vegetation, as I like to call it, turns your brain into mush. It's been scientifically proven by me. (I was my own lab guinea pig)

Check out these example packets me. Look at those crazy drawings. Do you really think a sane person could have done those drawings? No way, Jose. That is post Kumon disorder, as I like to call it. After doing Kumon, you become retarted. Proven fact.

I think I'll go do my Kumon.

(Kumon = Evil Part 2 is out! Read here)

Golf at its finest...

Well its Monday, and let me tell you about this horrible weekend. I was sick for most of it, but I still had enough energy to go to the driving range to hit a couple balls. While I went there, I sw a couple strange things. First there is this short guy who has the ugliest swing ever. He brings the club up, but instead of bringing the club down with his arms, he brings the club by twisting his waist. It was very inpleasant. He looked like a crippled turkey with artheritis and tumors.

There was also this woman who clearly had no idea what she was doing. She pounded the ball, bringing the club above her head and crashing down on the ball. I wouldn't be surprised if she broke a couple balls.

There were also a large number of kids there. I have no problem of kids playing golf. I am a kid, and I try to encourage others my age to play. And yet, when you have 12 little munchkins, there will be some trouble. There were some that hit the ball about 10 yards, and went onto the driving range to retrieve their ball. That holds up about 10 golfers trying to hit their shots because they do not want to hit the kid. Bullshit, I go right ahead and hit the ball. If they get hit, its their fault.

There is also a golf ball car that goes onto the driving range and collects the balls. When that thing comes out, I go right ahead and try to hit it. It is a lot of fun. You should try it. I once hit the side right next to the windowshield. I laughed sooo hard. The guy had a shocked look on his face. Just take the right iron and blast away. What's really funny is when a lot of people fire at it. It looks like a mortar line. You hear all these thwacks and clicks and then you can see about 10 white streaks going straight for the cart. Its really cool.

I'm gonna have to practice alot more if I want to make varsity this year.





Song of the Day- "Little House"- The Fray

Hey everyone, its me. No duh.

Okay. First let me tell you about something that concerns me. I went to get an Xray today. Normally they give you a "suit" or a little vest that keeps you from getting radiation. Well today, I did not get one. It sorta freaked me out. I don't want to get cancer and die!

Another thing, what is wrong with these loserish hospital gowns!?!?! For people who've never seen these retarded pieces of material, here is how it looks like. It looks like a normal gown from the front, but there is no back. Instead, there are two thin straps where you have to tie together so that the gown doesn't fall off. So basically your front is covered, and your back is bare. It sucks balls wearing that thing. I feel like an idiot, sitting in the waiting room, with an idiot designed piece of junk, trying to look like there is nothing wring with me. And the gay thing is that they have little yellow ducks and bunnies on these things. URGGG.

Okay..

I was going to have an airsoft war in my backyard today. For ADD losers, airsoft is where you have two teams of people armed with bb guns, and they shoot each other with them. There are many variations, capture the flag being the most popular. Well i was going to have it, but it got postponed. The stupid thing is that my friend couldn't go because he was in a fight with his parents.

There's nothing wrong with that. It happens all the time for juvinile delinquints.

But the thing is that he went on a long bike ride without telling his parents that he was going, and his parents freaked out. He had super bad grades, and when finally showing his parents his grades, they freaked out.

you know what, this is a retarded post. im gonna start all over.

ok...

I want to make a trebuchet. Something that can fling a rock 100 yards. That would be great. I could post it at the top of this mountain I have in my backyard, and shoot it at people walking on the sidewalk. I probably wouldn't launch rocks, but launch waterballoons or something. That would be sooo much fun. Or when playing airsoft, you could have one for each team.

Its friday, so naturally my brain is a bit muddled, and so I'm a loser post with no relevance to anything. Sorry folks.

Somebody ate too many beans...

Today is the last day of school of this week. the reason that schools out for tomarrow is because of some holiday, I forget which. Oh yeah, its veterans day.

I think that farting is a great bodily function. It gets the body rid of unwanted gas, and it makes a funny sound. There are so many different types of farts. Have you noticed that? Some farts are thin and squeeky. It goes, "Beeeeeeeeeeeeep, beeeeeep." Those have almost no smell, and usually make everyone laugh. Then there is what I call, "The boom." This one is loud and noisy. It usually goes like this. "BOOOPPBOOOOOOOBOOBBBOBOOOBPPBOPPPBOOPPP!" This makes everyone turn around, and usually generates some comments and laughs. "Holy crap, Tucker, that was a monster!" "Tucker, what is wrong with you?" "Tucker, shut down on the beans, will ya?" and so on and so forth. The third one is the most deadly of all. I call it the "invisible creeper." These farts are very very quiet. They almost make no sound. And it comes out real slow. You can sort of feel it puffing up your boxers with gas. Then it leaks and creeps out of your underwear reeeealll slow. It then absolutely STINKS the air. It smells like a cross between your older brother's socks and old banana peels. And then, like all together, everyone screams, "WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!" and they all start to put their shirts over their noses and run outside for some fresh air. The best thing is when your sitting in a crowded gym, having a pep rally, and you let one of those loose. And the whole crowd jumps out of their pants and groans...I did that once. And everyone thought it was the fat kid in front of us...haha.

I'm seriously thinking about volunteering. I think I'll volunteer at the Red Cross. I really want one of those red cross shirts. Those are so neat, with their red crosses on the sides and back. I wonder why they dont market that. They would make a whole lot of money.

I wonder, what would a hybrid of a monkey and a watermelon look like? See, this is the kind of stuff I think about in my spare time. I have a lot of good thoughts. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if you swallow alot of helium and then jump of a plane. Would you float because there is less gravity there? I don't know.

I think I'll go cry in the corner in a fetal position.

Clip on earrings are pretty cool. after school today, i was walking down the quad when i saw my friend with this punker earring. I was sort of spooked cause this isnt the normal behavior you would expect from this kid. well anyway, he walks down and i starting laughing really hard. i really thought he had pierced his ear, which was really strange.

Piercings can really change the way you look. Just thought ya'll wanted to know.

I have a huge precal test tomarrow and a spanish quiz but im spending time doing this crap that nobody will probably read. whatever.

This is a pretty funny story, The bomb and the pilot

3 people were on a plane. One said to the pilot, "I have a glass bottle. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. The second one asked the same question and the pilot also told him to throw it out the window. The third one asked the pilot, "I have a bomb. What do I do with it?" The pilot told him to throw it out the window. When they landed they met a man crying. When asked why he was crying, he replied, "Because I got hit in the head with a glass bottle. They met a woman who was crying for the same reason. Then the met a man laughing. They asked him why he was laughing and he replied, "Because I walked by a building and farted. Then the building blew up.

Ok, enough jokes.

You know what would make a great tv show? ok, before i say that, let me say something else. Everything i say is only for the sake of humor. i dont really mean what i say or type on this blog. so dont comment or email me saying im a hater and a neo nazi. cause im not.

Ok back to the great tv show.
You get 50 midgets, and divide them in half so u have two teams of 25. then you make them play basketball. but they cannot throw the ball. One has to hold onto it, while his or her teammates throw the midget with the ball so the midget can dunk it. OOO that would be hilarious.

another great tv show idea would be this. you get some really big beach balls. when i say big beach balls, i mean big. Like 10 feet in diameter. Then you take some pre-teens with facial hair, and tell them to pick up the ball and carry it across a football field. That would be hilarious. and to make it funnier, you tape their hands to the ball so that when they trip or fall, the roll all over the place. If i actually saw this show on tv, i would pee in my pants.

well thats all for now....

(famous quote from one of my friends "my nelson colors better than your nelson!")

EVERYONE IS GAY. I just thought you guys wanted to know.

Let me make a list of gay things that should be burned.

1. James Gu (asian supremist)
2. crumpets
3. this stupid blog
4. green tea
5. fat people
6. people who make " " marks in the air
7. anyone named tucker
8. little kids with cell phones
9. anyone that has earring hooked on their nose
10. James Gu again
11. how when you eat and then...i dont know
12. poodles
13. cockapoos (poodles mixed with erspaniel)
14. school
15. and PE teachers who give quizes

My PE teacher is now officially giving out quizzes. WHAT A LOSER. uuuuuggghhhhh. The only thing that is restraning me from going absolutely berserk is spanish. spanish class is pretty great cause my teacher is really funny. when i say funny, i mean it in her voice. it is soo nasal. but its really funny. its a mix of bulgerian and romainian accents, and its really funny. Otherwise school suucks. hey, yesturday, this blog was ranked 19th in the humour section which was cool. I need to drive soon. I need to get a car now. and i need a new computer. and i need some other things that u probably dont want to know.

you know what everyone needs? everyone needs a little electronic screen that floats over their head and shows what they are thinking about. that would be pretty great.

also, another random thought, SHAVE YOUR UNIBROWS YOU LOSERS. unibrows should be shunned from society. oh oops, i forgot to add that to my list of gay things. whatever. unibrows suck, and should be banned from life. also....GUYS THAT HAVE A JUNGLE IN THEIR PANTS (their legs are really hairy), shave your legs! geez. who cares if people call u gay/metro. your legs are hairy, and they need to be cut. hairy legs are worse than hepititis b + precalculus mixed together. (actually maybe not the precal part)

Don't you hate people who are fat but they wear clothes that reveal their body!??!?!?! Okay. Im fine with fat people. Fat people are fine. BUT DONT FLAUNT IT! Geez. What is wrong with these losers? Its mainly girls, but guys are also included. These loser fatties wear short skirts and tight shirts that let you see the most ridiculous curves. And by curves, I do not mean curves. I mean these billowing butter rolls of fat. I cannot explain enough the pain and the suffering I have to go through by watching this fattie block the hallway. There is a reason for my "lateness" to Spanish class. ITS CAUSE OF THE FATTIES! URG. And these loserish guys who are extremely portly and wear tanktops should be choked in a rapidly descending elevater. They smell bad enough, why do they have to wear tanktops that allow their disgusting odor to traverse the halls of my school. It is absolutely horrid. You cannot imagine the pain and suffering I go through when walking from class to class.

Okay, thats enough about fat people. Today was a pointless day. School is pointless. What is the purpose of school? "To learn" some might say. With the teachers I have, you don't learn anything. I think the purpose of school is so that the government can lodge us into somewhere so we don't cause any trouble. For about 7 hours, the government is guaranteed that there will be no Juvinile troublemakers. This what I say...REVOLT. I say we should thrash and burn until they get so tired of us. I have already started an underground newsletter. Its next issue should be out in the near future. With tons of propanganda and a lot contraband hidden in it, it makes for a great read during english class when your supposed to be reading "Aenied."

Thats another thing I don't get. We are reading GREEK books! What's the point of that? The Greeks are dead. They are gone. No need to live in the past. Who really cares!!! We should be reading about things that coorelate to the century we live in! Who really cares about Trojans and like that? I know I don't. And I'm sure many other people would agree with me.

Well thats all for now.

What's this? Peter H is creating a blog? And not a podcast blog? Whoa!


Yeah, whats up, this is my blog so that my podcast listeners can read something instead. (If they know how to read) So basically, what I'm going to do is hopefully post everyday about something interesting. I know that everyone will read cause its gonna be funny.

Basically, let me tell all of you who don't know me who I am. I'm Peter H, and I'm in high school. I like to cause riots and I like to do things that make other people shutter. I like to skate, airsoft, chill with friends, and I absolutely love eating Toblerone (Swiss Chocolate). I also LOVE sitting in a mind boggaling boring english class listening to my teacher talk about how she got married at age 20. And I absolutely LOVE sitting in Spanish class, mindlessly listening to my nasal Spanish teacher talk about how Spain is sooo much better than America. And I LOVE going to P.E. and watching my gay P.E. teacher (who wears a fanny pack) explaining the proper way to run and and the proper way to pass a basketball. ("This is a bounce pass! How do you do a bounce pass? You Extend your arms at a 40 degree angle down and aim for their balls!") Urgg.. You can tell how much I like school. Well enough about me for now.

Peace out, A-town.