Coloring with Nelson

"Hi! My name is Patricia Patrick Steven Jones and I am a child model. Look at me in the latest Kumon ad! Don't I look adorable? To tell you the truth, I got paid a lot of money to do this one picture. Why? Because I didn't want to help a company that makes kids work for hours and hours on stupid packets that supposedly make people "smart!" Look at me in the picture. See my 'smile?' Well that's not really my smile. I didn't want to smile, I swear! But they told me if I didn't, they were going to force me to do Kumon! Well I went along, and finally I was done. I'm sorry to all the kids who got signed up into Kumon because of the new ads with my face in them. I truly am. I'm...sorry."
-Patricia Jones
(From interview)

****Due to some confusion, I will say this: THIS INTERVIEW IS FAKE. I MADE IT UP. AND THAT GIRL'S NAME IS NOT PATRICIA JONES. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HER NAME IS. I MADE IT UP. BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
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[After much acclaim (not really) from my original "Kumon = Evil" post, I decided to write this, "Kumon = Evil Part 2."]

Oh glorious day! It is time to celebrate and dance and be happy and do whatever you would do when you are insanely happy. Because I am officially quitting Kumon. Yes sir, I am taking off.

I am currently in the last level of Kumon reading, and the second to last level of Kumon math. I am entering junior year in high school this fall, and because of the huge amount of work that junior year has, my mum decided that I could quit.

Hallelujah.

You know, I got offered a job at Kumon. The lady said, "You know Peter, I would be happy to offer you a job here at Kumon." That, my friend, is Kumon propaganda. See?!? She sees that I am dissatisfied with Kumon, and so she offers me a job to dunk me back into the pot of Kumon happiness.

Well I escaped that trick pretty quick. "Uhhhh no thanks," I quickly replied as I dashed out. Don't try to trick me woman, I've seen your Kumon 'drones.' I've seen the people who work there. They're either emo or old. Working at Kumon makes you emo or old. Fact.

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Now, since I am leaving the slaves-of-kumon community, I will bestow this wonderous tactic to make your life at Kumon a little bit easier. Anybody who takes Kumon is family, and we must all help out our brothers and sisters in the bondage of Kumon.

The acronym is called HUT

Hide. When you get corrections, hide some of the packets that need corrections. Don't take too many or they will become suspicious. I either slip it under my jacket or into my pants. This way, you don't have to waste your time fixing the damn work. I mean, shit, who wants to go back and fix mistakes on Kumon packets?? Not me. Now, after you're done with Kumon and everything, slip out with the correction-needing packets.

Use. When you have the correction needing packets, use them to fill out other packets that are the same. Believe me, your Kumon teacher will give you repeats of packets you have already done cause they want to stall and make as much money off of you as possible. When they give you repeats, just copy the answers from the ones needing corrections. Simple, right? Then, you don't have to actually do the packets, and you have more time to do activities more to your liking.

Throw Away. After you progress to the next level, just throw the corrections needing packets away. You won't need them.

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Okay, maybe I have been a little unfair to Kumon. Kumon helps you learn the subject material because of INSANE amounts of repitition. This way, it gets spoon-fed into you and you get forced to learn the stuff. You will become math smart, but never genious smart.

Hey, I'm happy to tell you that if you are a dweeb, twit, loser, emo, nerd, geek, fart face, chicken, monkey, loner, ugly shit, crackhore, dumbass, seagull, or weird asian kid who wants to do stupid packets everyday, you will be happy with Kumon.

If not... don't do it.

Working out... I must say that working out is almost voluntary torture. Strapping yourself to a machine with heavy iron weights while groaning is the closest one can come to "humane" torture. If you step into a gym, you are going to find lots and lots of machines that "help" you build your body.

I've been working out at the gym for some time, and, there is some improvement. It's noticeable, but not a lot. So far, gym's been a joke.

And where are all the hot ladies? Aren't there supposed to be hot chicks everywhere? The only women at my gym are either obese or really old. Not the type of chick you would ask out...

After the "tremendous" success of "My Studies on Crap" I decided to write another informal study of mine... snot.

I recently had a cold in hot weather that was occasionaly humid and damp. This brings about almost all the types of snot you can encounter in your busy life.

There are mainly three different types of snot: Runny snot, Hard 'n Crusty snot, and Gooey Snot.

Runny Snot

This snot happens, as previously mentioned, when you are suffering from a cold, or have some sickness. The snot usually takes a clear color, and flows out of one's nostril quite well. Runny snot can be felt running down one's nose, and is not a pleasant experience. The best thing to counter runny snot is a low-tech piece of cotton-polyester synthetic microbe killing tissue paper. Runny snot sucks when one is in a busy meeting or school presentation, like one I was in.

I was constantly snorting my runny snot back into my nostril, and I could feel the runny snot slowly filter down my throat. Then I coughed it back up in the form of a luigi (to the utter disgust of my slowly nausiating classmates) and spit it out onto the dirty carpet floor, causing a stream of explict words to come out of my fretful teacher's mouth.

Which leads me to the fact that partially runny snot causes luigis. A luigi is all the mucus and snot that has run down into your throat. Once you feel a luigi, you best cough it up and spit it up, cause it feels really weird if you leave it down there. Luigis are great fun though. Next time you see someone of the opposite sex, just cough one up and spit it out, all the while moaning, "Shit, it was the raisins! I hate raisins!"

Hard 'n Crusty Snot

This is the type of snot you experience in dry and hot weather. The snot first becomes a bit gooey, and then becomes hard. This sometimes stinks cause when you are rubbing your nose, the hard snot scratches the inside of your nose, which always causes an uncomfortable feeling. The snot though, has a very nice consistancy, and does quite nicely if one is out of spitballs to shoot. Otherwise, not much to talk about this type of snot other than the fact that this is the most common type of snot.

Gooey Snot

And finally, gooey snot. This is the type of snot that is most people think about when you say "snot." It has a very gummy texture to it, and is quite sticky. It is often mixed in the nostril with some hard 'n crusty snot. Hard 'n Crusty snot is the next stage of Gooey snot. Gooey snot does not move around much, thank heavens. If it did, it would be hard to attract members of the opposite sex. I mean, how are you supposed to get girls when you have slime dripping from the dark realm of your nostrils? Yeah.

Speaking of dark realm, gooey snot can be balled up quite quickly. When initially fiddling and balling up your small piece of gooey snot, it is a faint yellow, or maybe a pale grey. After balling it up and rolling it up into a little ball, the color switches to a dark brown, and sometimes, if you're lucky, you can get it to become gold. "How?" you may ask. "That's flipping amazing!"

The reason the snot changes colors is because of all the dirt and grime that is stuck in the tiny crevices of your finger. Disgusting, sure, but it's science! So next time there's Show and Tell at your school, just stick your finger up your nose, take out a wedge of gooey snot, and show how it changes colors.

You'll leave the room, escorted by your teacher, with dirty looks and a tarnished reputation forever.


Song of the Day (STD)- "Starlight"- Muse

I'm going to volunteer over at the UCSD Library. I wanted to volunteer in the CCU (critical care unit) or the emergency room. I want to volunteer where there is action and movement, not some stupid desk job.

Well the lady didn't give it to me, which is BS, and she gave me "Moores Cancer Center- Information Desk" which is probably gonna be a shit job. All I'm probably going to do is stand behind a desk, and greet old people. I don't want to do this.

I asked the lady what I'll do and she said that I'll talk to patients, and basically just scuttle around like a tool.

Crap